I have been pondering differences lately. I feel that we focus far too much of our attention on what separates us from one another, and I feel that we need to shift our focus onto those things we have in common.
For example, I am a fairly liberal person, yet I have family members and acquaintances who have views not in accordance with mine. Yet, I like those people! I love my family, even when we don’t agree on politics or medicine or the proper way to dress! While we may have differing points of view, I know and accept the fact that we all are Divine beings expressing ourselves in the way that feels the most comfortable.
So, whether your politics differ, or your outlooks on life differ, you can always find common ground.
Take, for example, the woman whose parents feel she should go to doctors for checkups and medical tests far more often than she has any desire to go. She feels fine and knows intuitively that she is, indeed, fine. She could get irritated with her parents for interfering in her life, yet she knows that their concern comes from a place of love and caring. She knows that they are not trying to control her life. She knows that they worry because they love her. So she simply thanks them for their concern and assures them that she will take care of herself. She doesn’t bother debating with them to get them to accept her point of view, nor does she acquiesce to their fears in order to make them happy. She acknowledges their concerns, yet does what she knows is best for her own health and happiness.
You can be who you are and allow others to be who they are as long as you recognize the loving Divine beings that they (and you!) are.
It’s easier said than done sometimes. We all have had people in our lives who insist on trying to change our minds with their logic or, more often, the volume of their voice! People get really cranked about politics, but if you listen to the concerns behind their rhetoric, whether you agree with the conservative or liberal slant they adhere to, you will understand that a lot of their views are based on either fear or love.
We fear lots of things. We fear loss of health, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs and income, loss of life and loss of our way of life. Sometimes those fears get expanded and overblown by watching the news and buying in to the current hysteria, whatever that may be at the moment!
We also love lots of things. We love our families and our pets and our houses and our friends and sometimes our jobs. We want the people we love to be happy and healthy, to have a fair shot at a good life, to be safe and secure.
Where the differences come about is in how we see the world and the way it’s supposed to run in order for our fears to be lessened and our loved ones to be taken care of. One person sees free meals at school for lower income kids as a laudatory accomplishment, because we live in a plentiful land where no one should go hungry, especially children. Another person sees that same free meal plan as a way for lazy parents to hand over responsibility to someone else (ie, the poor taxpayer) for the care and feeding of their children.
Same free meal program, different points of view.
And it’s easy to support your own view and argue against the other, isn’t it? Because, of course, your view is the ”correct” view. The only view any sane person could have! And yet, you can see where each side has a point, even if it’s not yours, can’t you? Even if you believe that no child should go hungry, you can also see where someone might fear for their own financial health if they are expected to help feed other people’s children. Their fear is part of their viewpoint, and if they are just barely making ends meet themselves, you could see how they might resent those who they feel are getting a “free lunch.”
On the other hand, the person who feels that free school lunch is a bad idea, when faced with a hungry child, would most likely want to feed that child. That person who doesn’t want his taxes raised for yet another “hand-out program” can surely see that it benefits all of us when every child is fed.
Look at our differences through the eyes of love and tolerance, with the knowledge that another person’s view, though wildly divergent from our own, is based is either fear or love. Fear of loss, love of family, friends, country.
Does that mean you pretend to agree with someone you feel is denigrating others (or you!) through their views. Absolutely not! You don’t have to get in their face and disagree with them, but you always have the right to turn off the conversation by changing the subject or leaving the room. If someone is making a racist remark, you have the right to say, “That offends me.” You don’t have to justify your beliefs or try to change theirs. You simply refuse to pander to their thought processes when they vary so much from yours.
But please, remember that even the most hate-spewing, vitriolic person loves their family. Their dog probably adores them! While it may be hard to find the loving intent behind some of the garbage being strewn by those you disagree with, know that they, too, are Divinely loved and carry the same spark of Divine love and creation that you do.
They merely express it differently.
You get to choose what you listen to, what you agree (or disagree) with, and how you respond. Sometimes you can be so taken aback by what someone says that you just stare at them in disbelief, or stammer something inane. Then, hours later, you think about what you should have said, but it’s too late for that pithy comeback!
That’s OK. You’re not going to change someone’s viewpoint with one snappy retort. Nor are they going to change yours.
But again, realize that our differences are minor compared to our similarities. Whether liberal or conservative, religious or atheistic, naive or skeptical, we all have basic things in common. We love our families and friends and desire health and happiness for them all. We want good schools, safe neighborhoods, and limitless potential for ourselves and those we love. We want fairness and equity in the workplace and our communities.
Everyone wants those things. How we think things “should” be is where we differ.
Welcome the differences. They keep life interesting. If we all agreed about every stinkin’ thing, life would be pretty darn boring.
Allow others to have their viewpoints. Live your views with grace and compassion. Know that you are all loved and appreciated by Divine, even those you disagree with!
In joy and love,
Barbara